Maybe i just wasn't that into him. Maybe he just wasn't that good in bed. Or maybe i was just that fucking hungry. Whatever the reason for me reaching for my burger as *Jack headed South, continuing to go to town on my take-away while he went to town on me, i just can't decide. What i do know is, it was glorious.
The Ferg burgers found in Queenstown are like nothing i have ever tasted. Even my most worldy girl-friends would have a hard time getting their mouths around these beauties, no matter how many blokes they've deep-throated in their time. Perhaps this is why most of it ended up all over my bare chest instead of in my mouth, but give me a break, try pretending to be aroused when munching on at least half a cow. Luckily i think *Jack mistook my burger-induced groans for an orgasm as after a while he stopped. The thing that bothered me is, he was so completely obsessed with me that night that he didn't even find it disgusting (which i think we can all agree-it was). In fact, all he did was laugh and even went to lick some sauce off my neck. Now don't judge me too much. I wouldn't do commit this criminal act of sexual repulsivness with just anyone. But *Jack was so distinctly average that i simply didnt care. The opitome of a 3am guy (a guy you find just as the bar shuts for lack of anyone more fullfilling), *Jack had thick, dark shaggy hair and a smudge of stubble which i could help but find endearing under the 3am vodka spell. 'Rookie error' i thought an hour later when the spell had worn off and i had a nasty case of stubble rash from one ear to another.
But thats the thing, the sex that night was increadable because i really couldn't care less if *Jack went away thinking that my rolls were repulsive or my minge resembled the amazon rain forest. We did it everywhere that night, the shower, the sink....DANNYS EMPTY BED (haha fuck you asshole) and in the blinding light of the loo, with my legs behind his head i simply just enjoyed myself instead of trying to tuck my blubber away. I do think that for that very reason, some of the best sex i've ever had was with people i don't find attractive.
It's a bit fucking annoying. Like standing in Macdonalds trying to order. You OBVIOUSLY fancy the Big Mac and fries knowing that it will definatley hit the spot but also knowing that while you eat them you wont be able to stop thinking about the nasty workout you're gonna have to do to compensate. Then you've got the weight watchers chicken wrap...defiately ediable, even if a lot less satisfying but you know you can eat it without worry. Cleary Danny is the Big Mac and *Jack the Chicken Wrap. Therefore, My track record might be less impressive but at least ill be fucking skinny.
Jack's unattractivness was like a triple Vodka shot, causing me to loose all inhibitions. It was very clear that being picked up in a bar didn't happen regularly to him which only furthered my sexual confidence and desire to experiment. Why is it when we really fancy the fuck out of someone we close up? I know for me it's a fear of rejection and the feeling that if i play it safe then there's less chance of things backfiring. However, what i have come to learn over the years that this method isn't fool proof at all. In fact, it has fucked me over MANY a-time. See i believe the best people are like marmite, love 'em or hate 'em. Who wants to be in the middle and just be thought of as 'nice' or 'ok'? I call them 'mehs' because that is the sound people make when asked if they like them..'meh, they're alright i suppose'. Unfortunatly for some reason when i fall for someone i immediatly become a 'meh' and this is something i'm fucking determined to stop doing by the time i finish this trip.
So anyway, after our shower shennanigans *Jack romantically towelled me off, kissing my neck and looking deep into my eyes as he did so...(sorry i just gagged as i typed that-this isnt a fucking Danielle Steele novel buddy). Then he INSISTED on some serious pillow talk in which my gag reflex was given a severe workout. You might wonder why i didnt kick him out immediatly after all i had just slept with him and it wasn't like i would be kicking him out for forcing me to use a condom or anything. I realise it would have been perfectly within my whoreish one-night stand rights, but he HAD bought me the Ferg burger and he was just so sickeningly sweet. it would have been like beating a puppy with a bat. So i indulged him for as long as i could.
I did almost vommit when he told me he was 25 and had only slept with 5 people, to which i smiled sweetly and told him i had only slept with 6 and that this was my first one night stand.
'But Danny told me you slept with him the other night' He shot back. For Fucks sake. Not caring enough to make up a decent excuse i told him,
'First one night stand that i can remember properly...i was another level of drunk when me and Danny slept together'.For some reason this made him smile smugly and hold me tighter like i had just given him a life time supply of porn (or knowing this guy (as i barely did) a life time supply of smiles and furry bunny rabbits. Fucking pussy 'ol). Is it me or, if a girl you liked just admitted to not counting one night stands with strangers because she was too drunk to remember them happening, wouldn't you be out the door before you could say 'gonorrhea'?Anyway, a girl has her limits and when *Jack suggested we be'lovers' for the last few days of my trip i decided that enough was enough. I told him that i didn't want Danny to come back and see him (not because i cared about Danny i assured him as he immiediatly became jealous-err you're not my boyfriend mate)but because it would be awkward. He agreed this was the case. So not a complete dumb-ass after-all. So i marched him to the door so his insistence that he take me out for lunch the next day. I said that sounded perfect, knowing it was the only way to get rid of him but planning my escape route for the next day as i did so.
I was finally able to slam the door on him and his cringey self but not until i heard this.
The fatal line.
The nail in the coffin.
'ok, ill see you for snuggles tomorrow then'
Sweet. Jesus.
Maybe you're just hungry that time, but isn't it disappointing to your partner that while he's doing his part , you are not participating? You must be responsible also in your part so that it would not be unfair.
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