The face-rape

As is usual with rape victims (or so i have heard) post-traumatic stress often results in your mind blocking out painful memories of the attack. I believe my hazy memory was be more likely the result of extreme inebriation having been given numerous free 'teapots', but please dont believe this makes the event any less tragic.

I was doing my thing on the dance-floor with a good lot of Swedish girls who were challenging my alcohol tolerance like noone before (i always like to push myself though and i feel i may have reached a new personal best that night). Now i didnt believe he was THAT bad but then again in my drunken mind Wayne Rooney could give Brad Pitt a run for his money in the looks department and the fact that Camilla was dragging me away from him at every opportunity probably should have indicated the poor standard of his physical state.

Now it wasnt like i WANTED to get with him, but at that point i ws pretty much doing my 'oblivious dog' routine and being passed around the dancefloor like a limp puppet looking for my puppet-master. I suppose this guy took it upon himself to fullfill that role, but instead of taking control of my arms, he decided to take control of my intestines...with his tounge. I knew immediatly that he was European as (at the risk of obscenely generalising) my experience with European men is that they like to get to know your internal organs before they get to know your favorite colour. At any rate i knew he wasnt English because English guys will usually tend to stick a finger up your skirt on the dancefloor rather than go straight for your oesophagus.

Nevertheless i wrote the whole event off as standard routine, deciding not to press charge as it wasnt the first time my face had been raped and i doubt it will be last. I alwasy find these things extremely funny anyway and mortifying not for me, but for the guy...and his next victim.

However what i found in my inbox later that day was the more obscene, more lewd than anything my face or fanny has ever encountered. It appears that along with my mouth,my inbox had also been raped.

Hey Olivia,

Got your email address last week in Queenstown, and I thought let's mail you......! I know I was quite drunk that evening, and friends of mine told me that I had to feel ashamed because I kept stalking you all the time. Therefore I'd like to say sorry for that, hope it wasn't too bad.......!
Currently I am in Invercargill in a hostel, in two days I'll be back in Queenstown again for a couple more days. I don't really now what I told you (feeling ashamed again..) but my name is Leon van Exel and I'm from Netherlands and I am travelling for two weeks along the South Island. Next week I have to go back to Sydney where I am working for a couple of months. Now I am typing all this, I know this mail is very ridiculous haha.....
Maybe, if you want to meet me again, but in a more normal state you know, you can text me on...

Kind regards,

Leon Van Excel

Now i am no expert into the minds of rapists or the mentally insane (of which i suspect he is a member of each) but surely 'kind regards' is slightly too formal to sign off to a victim of mouth molestation. Furthermore, on what delusional planet would you believe that your victim would want to hear from you...maybe things are done differently where ever Leon Van Excel is from but serrrrrously men of Europe step your game up, get some common sense. If you meet some random girl in a club and your mates tell you the next day that you were stalking her, learn to appreciate the value of annonimity and the fact that it is one big world we live in and you will probably never see this woman again.

And, from the bottom of my oesophagus i implore you to beware the face-rape.
Men of the world, a tounge is like an iron. Dont use it unless you know exactly how it works or you WILL get burnt.