I never thought i would do it. It was a battle that had been raging for months between my heart and my head and for once it was always my head that would emerge victorious (if only it had chosen to be so forceful with my Ex).
But my guy friends from home, who met me in Queenstown were persistent and not usually one to follow the flock, yet also not wanting to be a great bit pussy...i eventually agreed. I handed over my card with trepidation, my eyes closed eyes and hands shaking, as if i was being asked to reach out and touch fire. Once i had punched in my pin i knew there was no refunds and no going back. I felt like i had just signed my own death certificate.
That night while the boys buzzed with excitement i took myself off to bed. A four day bender was the perfect excuse but really i was just too fucking nervous to hear them discuss it any longer. I didnt get any sleep.
The next morning i met the boys, puffy eyed and trembling. They too were considerably quiter, and i knew exactly why. We got to the Skydive site and i watched as the boys were paired with their tandem masters. All of them bar one (who was still a strapping 6foot girl) were strong, strapping 6foot tall men and i felt myself instantly ease. Not only did i feel that i would be infinatley safer strapped to one them, i also relished the opportunity to be strapped tightly to a tall, muscular man...even if it was 12,000 feet in the air and hurtling towards my death.
After a while i heard a voice behind me which sounded like a cross between a cartoon mouse and a child who had just inhaled helium. I turned around, not initially noticing who had spoken to me until i looked down. You must be fucking joking. My Tandem master, Steve, was my size width wize but at most 5 foot 2. I tried my hardest to fiegn a smile but i fear it was in vein and my unease immediatly shone through.
My face was contorted into a dramatic cringe as Steve stood behind me, strapping me up. I swear he even had to tip-toe to fasten my shoulder straps. I could see the boys sniggering and i gave them the finger. Oh they'd be laughing alright when i slammed into the ground at 100mph and they had to identify my mangled corpse. Oh then they'd be laughing the other side of their face. Fucking idiots. By this time i was visibally agitated. I wasn't the worst though. For all their confidence and excitement the previous night, one of the boys was nearly in tears. I looked from his tandem master to mine thinking 'what the fuck have you got to cry about asshole. At least you wont have Danny De'vito strapped to your back'.
We got onto the plane. I was with three of the other boys. They all quickly shot-gunned their order out of the plane and before i knew it...i was going last. Oh this wasn't bravery on their part as i quickly discovered. 'God i would hate to be last' they kept repeating. 'I just want to get it over with'. How chivalrous. Not.
So we reached 12,000 feet and i turned my head as one, then two, then tree fell out of the plane and into the lustrous, translucent sky. The wind was now swirling into the open plane like a boystrous little brother, teasing me, daring me to jump. I scooted apprehensivley to the edge of the plane where Steve told me to hang my legs under-neath its body. At this point i had relinquished all power into Steve's minature hands and i felt his body shift into its position behind me. I must say, i have had a number of men behind me in my time and considering his size, i find it ironic how Steve made me feel the most uneasy.
The wind was so loud now i could barely think, its volume broken only by the loud pulsating of my heart which seemed to be beating loudly in my ears. I think it helped that we didnt have a countdown and that i didnt know when it was coming. (seriously,whoever invented the countdown is a real mc asshole as it really does unnecessarily build tension-i think Richard Whiteley and Carol Vordeman are somewhat to blame for its popularity, not to mention the Swedish band 'Europe' who made a number one hit out of the concept itself. I remember havng my jabs done before i came out and everytime the Nurse was about to say '3' i pulled away. In the end she just stabbed me on '1'. Bitch).
So anyway, there we were, free-falling towards planet earth. Just me and 'mi midget'. I think 'free-floating' would be a more appropriate term for this mode of travel for it really did feel like we were being blown upwards by a huge fan, rather than falling at all. It was mind blowing and all my fears and worries were quite literally blown away. Steve grabbed my hands which had been firmly fastened to my body and extended them outwards. The scene was highly reminiscient of the one in 'Titanic' where Jack and Rose stand at the helm of the ship with their arms out-stretched. I considered saying 'i'm flying Steve' but decided that i had enough to deal with without cringing myself and my tandem master out. Besides if he was to suffer a violent, physical cringe it might jeopardise our safety (see, always thinking pracitcally i am).
Anyway, it was all very romantic and i wondered how possible it was for someone to hook up with their tandem-master mid fall. After all, they were already in prime doggy-style position. As we all know, fear is known to be one of the greatest natural aphrodisiacs so as we began to approach the ground, Steve's mouse-like little voice began to sound ever more seductive.
This ended with a rather uncomfortable landing where i remembered all too late what Steve had told me about lifting my legs to land and i slammed into the hard ground. Not hurt though...too high on adrenaline, i unattached myself from my master. Steve went to give me a high-five but i practically scooped him up and hugged him tighly instead. 'Look matey, you just saved my life, i think that deserves a little more than a high-five dont you?' I thought. He looked a little taken aback but Steve's not one complain. I looked at him for one last time. Men fall into many different categories. There is the 'make breakfast in bed for' guy (the one you sleep with and dont want to leave the next morning). The '3 am guy' (last resort), the 'fourth cocktail guy' (more commonly known as the product of beer goggles) but Steve was something new altogether. Steve was a member of a rather elusive category of men, one that only the very bravest and fear-less women will encounter. He is the '12,000 feet guy.' And although i see no future for us on solid ground, im sure our relationship would flourish amongst the clouds overlooking Lake Waktipu.
Oh Steve. We will always have our free-fall.
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