Facebook Freaks

Break-ups are as old as time. From Henry VIII's high profile divorce from Catherine of Aragon, the illustrious end to the affair between Monroe and Kennedy to the modern day split of Jude and Sienna. Relationships have failed since the X and Y chromosomes first split and will, i suspect, continue to do so till the last man (or woman) is left standing.

As the centuries have passed the way we react to certain things have drastically altered. We no longer scorn a naked ankle; shoulder pads have been in and out...and in again. Yet the way we react to a broken heart has stood the test of time. There will always be certain songs and certain places that are off limits after a break-up. There will always be the anxiety that pervades the first meeting with an ex and most profoundly is the jealously inflicted by a new girlfriend. These things are as basic in human nature as an LBD in a fashionistas wardrobe, always there, but only brought out when the time is right.

However, while the post break-up jig had always been danced the same way, it has come to my attention that modern day heartache is being intensified by the trends brought in by the 21st century. I refer to one trend in particular. It has come to be a dominant presence in the lives of those who use it. It has become both feared and revered, like some redoubtable headmaster. It beats you but you can’t help but seek its approval because it undoubtedly holds all the power. This trend is the facebook trend, and although I was aware of its ever increasing influence, it has taken my recent break-up, and the break-ups of some close friends of mine to fully realise the power facebook truly yields.

‘I’ve had a really bad day today’ has become the common statement from my newly single friends. ‘I saw on his/her facebook wall…’ is the even more common expansion of such a statement. And so it begins. The daily war between the often warped post break-up logic and the facebook phenomenon that has the nation, fuck it, THE WORLD, gripped.

Facebook has become both friend and foe during the end of a break-up. Facebook can often be used as an online opportunity for the dump-ee to post pictures of their new (fabulous) single life, exposing new found male attention in saucy photos, any dramatic weight loss in skimpy outfits and enabling them to post news of glorious new careers, hopefully prompting the ex (the bastard that broke your heart) to think 'damn i definitely made a mistake'. I mean, isn't this what we all strive for? Even if we are completely over them, we all seek that profound satisfaction that comes from someone that hurt us, hurting over us. It doesn't make us bad people; it is again, simply human nature.

However, the danger here is highly evident and it only takes a recently broken hearted friend to expose you to the severity of the situation. I've seen it happen...I’ve done it as well!!! What happens when one is so deeply hung up on their ex that creating a facebook page which depicts just how 'over it' they are in fact prevents moving on at all.

Nights out become nothing more than obsessive photo opportunities where you forget to actually enjoy yourself, instead being consumed by the need to get your picture snapped with any male that might evoke jealousy in your ex. Furthermore, status changes are thought out with the same excruciating effort that one might put into their a level coursework and comments from boys are provoked in excess. Every aspect of facebook becomes a tool with which to manipulate your ex (where more often than not, it goes completely unnoticed).

Yet, throughout all of this is the even darker side of the facebook break-up, the constant stalking of your ex's wall which proves the above...that quite clearly they haven't been checking yours. Comments as meaningless as 'hey, how are you?' from random girls haunt you from morning till night. Perhaps they are left by a girl who shared the bed of your ex, or perhaps they are left by a distant cousin...the worst part is, you just don’t know.

I thought it was bad when i read emails from girls exposing his infidelity. Messages that proved without a shadow of a doubt that he had cheated. But facebook is worse. It leaves that lingering bastard question mark of has he, hasn’t he?
So why the hell can't we switch off? Are we really such sadomasochists that we must indulge in this self harm everyday...sometimes 10 times a day? One of my (male) friends sat on his ex's facebook simply refreshing the page every 30seconds, calling to update me on any minute changes. Why can't we realise that while we are glued to the screen trying to work out whether they are moving on, our ex's are out there glued to someone’s lips, actually doing it. Actually moving on.

So this is my advice to you, don't loose sight of reality after a break-up. What does it matter if your ex sees a stunningly skinny photo of you draped around some Abercrombie and Fitch wannabe if your sat at home alone constantly refreshing their page forgetting to live your life. Being perceived as happy by your ex does not compare to being truly happy in real life.

So instead of being a freak on facebook, go get freaky on some fittys face. Ok.