Helpless Bitches

There is a phsychological theory called 'learned helplessness'. It relates to the condition one develops in which they learn to behave helplessly, even if the opportunity arises to better their situation. It is often derived from the notion that we are capable of improving. Of doing better.

Could this term be applied to those of us weak enough to go back to the men that hurt us? By forgiving them time and time again are we simply propagating the idea that we can't do better? We convince ourselves of this belief so much so, that when the opportunity to escape from a destructive relationship makes itself known, when discrepencies are uncovered and lies unveiled, we simply ignore it.

Phsychologists used electric shocks on dogs to demonstrate the theory and found that those dogs who were not given the choice to stop the shocks (believing them to be inescapable) learned to be helpless, while those given a lever to cease them, did so and recovered. In a crude comparrisson between dogs and humans, perhaps when we women go back to these men, inadvertently accepting that being cheated on is unavoidable, we develop a sense of helplessness and no longer strive to find a relationship in which we are truly happy, believing instead, that we can not do better.

By saying 'i forgive you' we believe we are giving a good thing a second chance but really all we are achieving is the start of the slow and painful destruction of our confidence. Our self-belief. Ourselves. In saying 'its ok' we are, just like those dogs in the experiment, helpless bitches.

We justify our actions as 'forgiving' or 'understanding'. Label them as positive traits that we all hope to possess. Love is often sly and is able to cloak our perceptions and make us blind to the truth. This is not understanding, it is helplessness. Find the strength, first of all, to be objective, to step back and see that you deserve more. Secondly, find the strength to better yourself and to get what you deserve.

All it takes is to realise that cheating is not acceptable. No matter what a 'catch' you believe your man to be, if he cheats he is incomparably and extensively flawed and it is not up to you to be the helpless bitch to mend this flaw.